The walk...

 

After weeks, I took a walk around Crystal City. It was a cold, windy and gloomy evening, with very few people on the streets running or walking their pets. Some waited outside the 1-2 restaurants that catered to take-away, but most restaurants were closed. The few kept to themselves, did not make eye contact and no niceties were exchanged. The neighborhood had gone through a complete transformation, and the otherwise lively and vibrant Crystal Drive bore a deserted look. The silence was only broken by the sound of  rustling leaves and chirping birds. It was May 27.

Five weeks later, I took a walk again in the neighborhood. There was still light at 8:30 pm and there was every indication of the oncoming summer. It was humid and still. Restaurants were open and there were more people on the road. I walked the stretch of Crystal Drive to Long Bridge park. It was quiet nevertheless, and this time the silence was broken by a chugging freight train on the VRE line. It was July 1.

The time that had passed between these two evenings saw much action. There were protests across many cities in the US including Washington DC over the death of George Floyd. Friends and family were sick and tired of the stringent lockdown in most major Indian cities. The lockdown was much needed to curb the spread of the infection, but the question was for how long? Someone mentioned an interesting analogy of riding a tiger. You were safe as long as you were riding the tiger, but when do you get off? It was a vicious cycle. Again, there was a surge of infections in four southern states in the US. By then, I knew that it will be work from home all through August. I will not go back to office until September, even that if all goes well. My usual trip home in July was not going to happen. I will consider myself lucky if I can make it home in December.

So, coming back to the two evenings - there was a similarity. There was a certain calmness, as though the mind was cleared of all clutter. As though a fog had lifted, and the vision was clear. These were evenings of retrospection. When I was so caught up with activities otherwise, I did not have the time to reflect. The lockdown gave me that luxury – to rethink my priorities. Isolation is beautiful that way. Nothing had changed for me, and that knowledge was comforting.

With so much negative news around the world, I felt a great need for abundance of positivity. And if I cannot derive it enough from the outside, I must generate it from within. And I wondered where to start from? The work place is a good experimentation ground. I am blessed to have wonderful colleagues and work that I enjoy. But there are stress factors that sometimes I get drawn into unknowingly. The competition that I am not interested in, the rat race I don’t want to run, the networking I don’t want to do, and the self-promotion I detest. The stress is not because I struggle to do it, but because I consciously refrain in an environment where these are acceptable behaviors, and there is invisible pressure to follow suit. If I don't, perceptions run wild. I don’t compete, maybe I am not motivated enough. I don’t self promote, maybe I am not good enough. I don’t network, maybe I don’t have the skills. And I don’t run the rat race, maybe I am ‘not there’ yet. There is constant pressure to hold up to standards set by someone else. But why?

So I made myself a list of what I believe in ‘to remember’ always -

·   - Do not compete with anyone. If you have to compete, compete with yourself, to be a better professional and a better person that before. 

    - Motivation factors vary. Do things for whatever motivates you. Don’t do it just because it will lead to something.

    - Avoid toxic people and toxic behavior as much as you can. These are not conducive to physical and mental health.

     - While its okay to aim high, let that not be the only focus. Take time to enjoy life.

   - When you meet people who put you down, not to be angry. They need sympathy, because it is their insecurity that makes them behave the way they do. They can’t handle good vibes. They can’t be happy. But it’s their problem, not yours.

    - Have mentors who encourage and motivate you, and who take pleasure in seeing you grow. Maybe you can hope that those qualities will rub off on you too.

    - If someone hurts you, don’t dwell on it too much. It’s not worth your time and effort to figure out how to get back. The question you should ask yourself – is that person really that important in your life?

   - Most times, indifference helps tide over negative situations. Its amusing that indifference bothers people. Most expect you to react, and the fact that it does not bother you is difficult for them to digest. You get back in your own way. Call it a coping mechanism or escapism attitude. Whatever be it, it works perfectly.

    - Inculcate and demonstrate those qualities that you would like to see in the other person.

   - Don’t be swayed by so-called ‘leadership’ skills. Leadership is not only about leading. If someone in a position cannot or is not willing give you the space to grow or acknowledge your efforts, he or she is not a leader. Don’t look up to the wrong person. 

  - Break the myth in your mind about good communication skills. It is not about putting up a great presentation, speaking uninterruptedly in flawless English or the ability to cleverly win an argument. Does the person allow the other person to speak or is the conversation all about him or her? If the answer is the latter, too bad. They need to unlearn and learn again.

    - Growth does not have to be always vertical, there can be lateral growth too. Different experiences make your life rich and colorful.

    - Be comfortable in your skin. You should not feel the need to scream from the roof top that you are good. You should let your work speak for itself.

    - Do not let someone else define success for you. If today, you enjoy doing what you do and you are a happy person, that is success for you.

    - Most important of all, practice kindness. More often its important to be kind than to be right. You don’t have to win every argument. If the other person takes pleasure in believing he or she has won the argument, so be it. 

       Two roads diverged in a wood, and - 

      I took the one less traveled by, 

     And that has made all the difference. 

The above lines from ‘Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost are some of my favorites. I don’t want to be afraid to take a different path at work, if that is what I truly desire. I don’t want to fall into the trap of herd mentality. In fact, I rebel against it. There are no hard rules about where one should be in their 40s, in their 50s and so on. I just want to enjoy life as it flows and enjoy the little moments. I will be a happy person. A happy person means a productive employee. This translates to a better organization.

‘Zen’ moments in the middle of surviving through lockdown. Surreal indeed!

#Coronadiaries#

A poem...

This is a poem by Vaikunt Venkatesan, my cousin's grandpa, who follows my FB posts. He refers to me and Sharmila Shanmugasundaram (my cousin's wife) in the poem.

I know two young ladies
Who are related as sisters-in-law
And they live in two continents
Across the Atlantic Ocean.

They know each other well.
One lives at longitude 11*East
The other lives at longitude 77* West!!

It is a pity they do not know
That they are rivals
In the realm of culinary art!!
In Facebook pages they upload
Pics of products they produce
Which we see and admire
And Mark a LIKE

While one taunts us with veganic extravaganza
Green Thai Curry with zucchini and broccoli
Sautéed paprika to go with besan chillas
And rice with soya curd.

The other lady not to be left behind
Flaunts mango pulisseri of Kerala vantage
To go with brinjal pitla of Tambrahm fame
Bisibelabhath of Karnataka tradition
Followed by the curdbhath as the finale.

The virtual feast goes on
Tickling our taste buds on seeing the photos
Making our mouth to salivate profusely
But alas nothing real to eat!

How I wish that the two meet in Bharat
To make the dishes and serve us all.

At the end of 8th week of HBW

When I penned a blog 6 weeks back, HBW felt new. I went into the mode with a belief that over a month, or a maximum of 2 months it will all be over. But as one week rolled into another, time became a blur and there was lesser clarity on when this will end. The light at the end of the tunnel felt like a mirage.

Over the weeks, work continued, busier than ever. Partly due to more meetings that compensate for the lack of physical interaction, and partly because it just takes more time to do the same amount of work at home than at office (maybe it is just me). I miss the energy in the office. But there is also so much going on in response to COVID and I am thankful to be part of that action. Work aside, everyone is trying out new things. I am no different. By now, I am a better chef and an amateur baker. I have, to some extent, got used to home workouts. But I remain a terrible zumba dancer despite 3 classes a week. I penned three blogs, this one included. April was a busy month on the personal front. I celebrated in style the Telugu and Tamil new year, my birthday and completion of 19 years at the Bank. I even created a folder for COVID lock down, which mostly contains pictures of my cooking, screen shots of zoom calls, and downloads of key news articles. Memories are important.

The human mind is amazing. We simply adapt. I have adapted to a point that this feels normal and will have to re-adapt when things open. It's been 2 months already and if predictions are to go by, it will be another 2 months before we experience any kind of normalcy - a 'different normal' than what we know. I am afraid my mind will lean towards being conservative in the short term when it comes to undertaking leisure travel, greeting people with a warm hug, taking public transportation, etc. But I will sail through that phase as well. Self-resilience is vital.

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" – this is one of my favorite quotes. We didn't ask for the corona virus, and we surely don't want it to stay. But this lock down experience has given us the opportunity to try new things and do things differently, gaining skills we may need in the future. Some of them could become a way of life.

When I speak to some of my friends, the general sentiment is that post COVID, nothing will change, and life will be just the same. But I strongly believe that at the end of it all, every one of us will come out with some positive change. Even if it is something as trivial as appreciating the sound of the birds. As we are still in a state of not knowing when we will return to normal, I continue to keep my spirits high and outlook positive. This may seem difficult, but there is no better way to be. 

Tales from Timor

I landed in a small airport in a quaint city. I passed through the entrance that read ‘Welcome to Timor Leste’ and was greeted by smiling faces. Immigration was fast, and I was out of the airport in 30 minutes. But a mix up had me stranded for an hour and I did what I do best at airports - people watching! The hotel car showed no sign of arriving, so I eventually hired a local taxi. It was a short uneventful drive on practically empty roads, with the sea following on the side relentlessly. The water sparkled under the bright midday sun, and the tall coconut trees swayed majestically against the clear blue sky. All along, I strained to follow what the taxi driver was saying in broken English. 

I arrived in front of a nondescript hotel - Discovery Inn. It was nonetheless charming. A few men sat on the street pavement smoking and chatting and a lone car at the end of the street waited for the signal to turn green. I walked into the hotel and a pleasant young Timorese woman checked me in. I smiled looking at the stuff she handed to me, it was not often that I have received breakfast vouchers! As I passed the upper deck on my way to the room, my eyes caught a quick glimpse of the restaurant below - Diya (that was a Hindi term, meaning lamp!). There was no one besides me, and the silence was broken only by the rustling of leaves from the many plants on the deck. The furniture was simple and functional, but the green added a touch of beauty to the place. It was siesta time for everything and everyone perhaps, thanks to the gentle breeze from the sea not far away. 

This was the closest I got to any of the island nations in the Pacific (although the country is not exactly in the Pacific) – in a way I had it visualized in my mind and been fascinated with - the remote islands with its serene beaches. I have watched movies that romanticized these waters, the tiny lands and their people with a laid-back lifestyle. A land where the sunrise and sunset are more beautiful than anywhere else, and the sound of the waves is in perfect harmony with the winds. Where one’s footsteps mark a lone path on the beach and time stood still. An ideal place to lose oneself. I was already falling in love. Day 1, Sunday. 

A 1.5$ taxi ride brought me to the office. It took 8 minutes for the taxi to get to where I could have got on foot in 5 minutes - blame it on one-way roads. The office was housed in a rambling ministry building (from Indonesian rule). A look at the two huge tree trunks in the garden dispensed any doubt about how old the place was. I started the day with a staff meeting, with the focus entirely on the upcoming elections, planned campaigns, potential situations and emergency procedures! At a point, the security person told me not to be alarmed and that it was all precautionary. Before I could respond, a colleague who knew me from my Afghanistan days remarked “Oh! She has lived in Kabul, this is no big deal”. I smiled sheepishly; it was true. We got down to work right after the meeting. But during the short breaks in between, I was getting to learn about the country and the people, one little detail at a time. I had read up a bit before getting to Dili, but it never compensated for the local stories. Getting a government job was a challenge apparently as Portuguese was a requirement, and majority of the population of employable age spoke only Indonesian in addition to the native language Tetum. I was told that the government had spent big bucks on roads, but not much had been done for health and education. I sensed frustration. On the lighter side, the affordable lot made shopping trips to Bali!

Soon it was time for lunch and Moby’s was a good choice as it was close by. The weather was scorching hot, reminding me of Chennai. Moby’s was a home-run restaurant with minimalist decor, ceiling & standing fans, and a guitar. It was advertised as the sports bar. The menu was not elaborate, but a simple dish of rice with vegetables was not a big ask. My colleagues and I were the only ones at the restaurant. A heavily pregnant lady was varnishing the furniture in that heat, while 3 cats circled my feet for some food. As we walked back to the office, it was hard not to miss the sign ‘Largo De Lecidere’ in big letters in the distance. I made a mental note to visit during the week. The afternoon passed quickly and without a break, and it was soon 5 pm. There was a refreshing afternoon ritual that I followed the entire week thanks to my colleague Tita, it helped me skip coffee and stretch my limbs. Across the road from the office, just before the beach, were many coconut vendors. For $1 apiece, I got a heavy coconut brimming with sweet water and lot of tender coconut; it was a healthy option. Simple pleasures of life. Day 2, Monday.

We spent the substantial part of the day in meetings in Ministry of Agriculture. On our way back to office, we stopped at Tais market for a souvenir. The market had pretty rugs and wooden figurines. Tais itself refers to woven textile in bright colors, which is the country’s famous handicraft. I would have loved something in wood, but what I liked was too big to carry back. After an hour of shop-hopping, I settled on a Timorese headgear made of silver. It was unique and had an ornate representation of the traditional totem house on it – the Uma Lulik (sacred house). It now sits prettily in my office. Task accomplished.

Back in office, I spent time dealing with an overload of emails. Internet connectivity was a problem in Dili. When I was out of office, I had to forget about checking emails and using WhatsApp. Discovery Inn’s internet service was great by any standard - if I sent a message it would get delivered within the next 10 minutes! We operate in a 24/7 time zone, connecting with people in different places at different times, and Dili is 13 hours ahead of DC. So, the first 2 days, I napped late evening and woke up at midnight hoping to catch up on stuff. How wrong I was! Like everyone else, I took connectivity for granted. A local number did not help as the network was also weak. Yet, I had one for emergency. I made a note to myself – do all I have to in office, and otherwise cancel the webex meetings I had accepted for the week. Reality check. Day 3, Tuesday.

We decided to hike to Cristo Rei in the evening after work. It was a slow 30-minute drive on a narrow winding road along the coastline. We passed gentle curves and sharp bends, and bikers and runners. But as we left the city behind, the view got better and the beach, cleaner. There was no time to stop at the beach, but we did stop briefly to answer a curiosity call. In an isolated spot, rocks were stacked, sorted by size and color. An elderly woman sat under a makeshift plastic tent. She spoke only Tetum and said she spent hours by the beach selling rocks. The rocks were used as decorative materials in house construction. I nicknamed her the ‘Rockseller’. I asked her for a photograph, and she gleefully agreed saying that she was photographed all the time by tourists from Australia. As we were leaving, she put her hands together in an Indian namaste and gave a wide smile.

We continued our drive. We had to make it to the peak for the sunset. But sunset was going to be a challenge; it had been raining and the sky was overcast. We parked the car at a point and started the hike up 590 steps. The path was neatly laid out, and it was a comfortable hike except for the stifling humidity. Halfway up, a waft of cool breeze stroked my cheeks, and I was presented with a spectacular view of the waters on either side of the mountain. By the time we got to Cristo Rei, the sky cleared a little, but the evening sun had already begun its journey beyond the horizon. I sat on a boulder watching the sun go down all too quickly, but in the process covering the vast sky and expanse of water in stunning shades of orange and red. Cristo Rei, the 89-foot copper statue of Christ on a globe, stood gleaming and imposing. I was in awe. Day 4, Wednesday.

As I walked to the office in the morning, I saw small waves of people in red T-shirts. The election fever was palpable. I walked through a thick crowd that had gathered in front of a park for a peace march. Some supporters obliged me with a picture. Later that afternoon, Tita and I stood by the ‘0’ km point, as vans and bikes whizzed past with people waving flags and screaming. It was still orderly, and I did not witness any violence. By the harbor, people were queueing up in large numbers to take the ferry to Pante Macassar in Oecusse municipality to vote. Oecusse is in West Timor that is part of the Nusa Tenggara province of Indonesia. I was told people prefer the 12-hr ferry ride to the 6-hr road trip due to visa requirement. This was the only time in the week I saw so much activity in Dili, the city was quiet otherwise. This campaign prevented us from making a field trip to a project site outside Dili. But I hoped for better luck next time.

Dinner was at Diya, again. I was fortunate to get good Indian vegetarian food (the chef was a Pakistani from Australia) and had no reason to grumble. Still, few evenings during the week, I walked to El Legendario for some fresh air and relaxed in the open setting of the restaurant. After dinner, I habitually sat at the deck with my laptop until late to avoid remaining cooped up in the small hotel room. I was getting claustrophobic. Day 5, Thursday.

There were no scheduled meetings for the day as the government offices were closed. Our office too was closing half day, so we wrapped up things quickly. During a conversation with a colleague, I mentioned I was charmed by the sight of the many eating joints dotting the stretch of the beach. Many were family run, I was told. Soon, we were at NHA Casa for lunch. The restaurant opened to the beach and had a little garden, with a Ganesha statue in a corner. They had a long-handwritten menu, in neat handwriting, and the food was great. Once again, we were the only ones at the restaurant.

We had missed the Areia Branca beach the other day going to Cristo Rei. It was called the white beach for a good reason. So early evening, we spent some good time at the beach, playing in the water, picking shells and chatting. This time, the sun took its own sweet time to set. As Tita dropped me back at the hotel, I said goodbye to my indulging partner in crime. Sometimes, associations made at work go way beyond work. I knew this was going to be one such association.

I was amazed at how small the world was - how else do I explain meeting in Dili an Afghan counterpart that I had worked with for many years in Kabul! When we connected, he insisted I visit his home over dinner. I would not say no to Afghan hospitality in 100 years. So, I spent a lively long drawn evening with his family catching up on memorable Kabul stories as delicious food appeared continuously on the dinner table. It was the Afghan connection. Day 6, Friday.

It was a long trip back to DC – an hour’s flight to Bali with a 10-hour layover, 10 hours of flying to Doha and then 14 hours onto DC. During this time, I was recalling my experiences over the past week. I had always lived in crowded cities, so this little jewel of a country was alluring. I traveled again to Timor Leste after a year, and made time to visit Liquica and explore colonial ruins. It was a different world out there. But that makes for another story.

As we enter 3rd week of HBW…..

For once, the experience is not unique to me. It is the same story and similar reactions from friends and family all over. Most of us have not experienced anything so widespread and prolonged in our lifetime, and it is so overwhelming that it is hard to steer a conversation away from the topic. Let us face it, the coronavirus is here to stay for a while.

Face it, I must. The developments are indeed worrisome. But the question I ask myself is whether I want to spend my day constantly focusing on the news and panic? Clearly no. I believe that if I decide not to let my mind focus on it, I will at least be half successful. Like they say, its mind over matter. Everyone has their own coping mechanism. As I reflect on the past two weeks, there are things I try to do/not to do as part of my coping strategy. I say ‘try’ because not all of this works perfectly every single time, it’s trial and error. But by and large, home based work not been as bad as I thought it would be. I have a housemate, and it is a blessing during these times.

·  .  Don’t binge read news - I stick to two 15-minute updates, one in the morning and evening. I also get updates from the office. I cannot possibly digest every piece of news that is out there. I am happy to stay ignorant for 8-12 hours. It keeps me sane.

·  Don’t forward every ‘forward’ I get – Like many, I am part of many informal whatsapp groups. Average of 5 forwards per group times number of groups is a LOT of forwards. It ranges from factual news to personal stories to conspiracy theories. I cannot stop receiving the forwards, but I can refrain from re-forwarding.  The funny memes are exceptions, I forward some to a close circle if I think it will bring a smile. In fact, I saved two of them to use as part of this blog, but could not figure out who to give copyright credit to!

·   Maintain a routine – This has been the most challenging, I must admit. Being a night person, my mornings are not the most productive. The real work gets done in the afternoons and late evenings. Yes, there is a routine, just a slightly different routine each day. Well, whatever enables me to get work done for now is good.

·   Get my dose of exercise – Its spring, the sky is bright (although raining on and off), and the weather is nice. But I prefer to err on the side of being conservative and stay home. I get good tips on home exercises from my sister and roommate that I follow. My sister also conducts online Zumba sessions 3 times a week. I cannot follow the steps but I still join to get some action. And my dose of fresh air comes from the balcony.

·  Cook my favorite dishes – Home food is a comfort factor and cooking is a destress activity (like cutting vegetables and washing dishes). So every day I spend time and effort to cook one of my favorite South Indian dishes from my mom’s recipes. 

·  Don’t binge eat – The urge to raid the fridge is strong these days. I curb the feeling by telling myself that I must fit into my ‘spring collection’ clothes when I resume office (it won’t be spring then sadly). I give in once a while, but mostly have been disciplined. I do not want to be rolling out of my apartment at the end of this ordeal.

·   Engage in 2 of my hobbies – It’s been 2 months of no travel. So, I plan and research for my next two trips that I don’t know when I will undertake. But the process keeps me excited. I plan to restart work on a few unfinished blogs and travel scrap book. It is not that I have time to kill. But these activities help me stay focused, at the same time distracted from the ongoing crisis. A recent article on virtual worlds on BBC has piqued my interest.

·   Stay connected more than before – I always did a decent job of keeping in touch, but it’s reached a different level now - like an aggressive sales call pitch. Emails, phone calls, video calls – I average 3 non-work calls daily. I feel blessed to have that circle of family and friends I can count on. A cousin initiated a video call with my big group of cousins over the weekend, it was epic. I feel great.

·    Stay positive and stay calm – There must be an inner determination to stay positive. All of the above surely helps.

·    Laugh a lot – Its short of a therapy. I started this during my times in Kabul. I watch a comedy show for about 15 minutes before going to bed. It lightens the heart.

It looks like a lot, but it is pretty much what I would do even otherwise. Now I do it more consciously. The only annoyance factor coming from this lock down is the ‘disinfect’ ritual every time I leave the apartment (which is not frequent thankfully). OCD is not fun!

Before I even think about fashionably complaining how painful HBW is, I remind myself that my issues are non-issues in comparison to many others. While I am concerned for my family back in India, on a day to day basis here in DC I only need to take care of myself. I am not faced with the challenges of managing little kids, cooking for a large family or attending to elders. I can work from home while many are losing their livelihoods. I am not short of entertainment at home, while many do not have a shelter over their heads. I debate about what to cook every day, that says I am not short of groceries. I choose to count my blessings.

We are all in it together. We have to do what we should as responsible citizens and human beings to protect ourselves and others. We must remain perseverant, this too shall pass. I eagerly look forward to the day I will be back in office and see my colleagues in flesh and blood. It will call for a real celebration. Until then I hope and pray for everyone’s health. Thanks to technology that help us stay connected. #Stayhome#